Added: Bridger Posada - Date: 07.05.2022 07:38 - Views: 49462 - Clicks: 9484
More must be done. You may recognise a similar situation in your own relationship. Without question, my marriage breakdown was the single most painful period of my life and it has taken many years to rebuild.
Time has been a great healer for me and our daughter, now in her early twenties. It has enabled me to see what happened to my marriage. And early menopause was the trigger — it impacted everything. It may sound to some that I am blaming the menopause outright all too quickly for my divorce. At the time I had no ability to fully understand what was going on, how to help or what to do about it.
The girl I knew was full of energy, always rushing around with many activities going, enjoyed with a very wide group of friends. At times she was so effervescent it was hard to calm her down! The attraction was instant. My moods could be lower and people remarked how we seemed to balance each other out in many ways. Early menopause had arrived really early.
After three rounds of IVF treatment, we decided enough was enough. Menopause and HRT Everything started to accelerate some years later when my ex was in her late thirties. She threw herself into her work and started to spend more time away. She became distant, less interested in our home and the intimacy in our marriage waned until it almost completely disappeared.
I felt I was becoming sidelined. Then she started HRT and it was as if Id prefer a married woman in need was a completely negative downward spiral in character. She became not just irritable or snappy but confrontational and aggressive. I remember putting our year-old daughter to bed one night and she asked me if Mummy had been abducted by aliens! The false accusations began and arguments could get out of control. It felt like I was being goaded into making a serious mistake. I could be backed into a corner by an angry pointing finger one minute and the next I was trying to console a heaving mountain of tears or a quietly sobbing soul curled up in a chair.
This was a completely different person to the one I had known before.
I soon discovered that my ex had entered a relationship with another man. I was crushed. Her new partner had been a boyfriend when she was just sixteen at school. She began to spend weekends away from home before eventually she pulled the ejector seat and left completely. My darkest days began. I had to take sleeping pills at night and my doctor told me I was suffering from extreme anxiety — I had thoughts of self-harm.
I went to Relate on my own and received some counselling but neither the doctor or counsellor spoke to me about the menopause. To regain control of my life I petitioned for divorce on the grounds of adultery. My ex is now living alone with her dog and recently told our daughter that she believes she went mad. Life after menopause Time does heal but my scars are deep. I believe now that there is no coincidence that divorce Id prefer a married woman in need are high during the menopause.
One thing I know for sure is that hormones are extremely powerful. I also think that HRT may only make things worse not better for some from a psychological point of view. If I had been given some advice and guidance that some women do actually appear to go mad and that the menopause can cause extreme behaviours and outcomes, I believe my journey might not have been so traumatic.
I would have appreciated some help from other men too and I believe we should be included in the conversation. Emotionally, it can be very traumatic and damaging but the right education, preparation, understanding and of course more conversation in general about menopause would be very beneficial. We are a divorce now she blamed for cheating recording her putting GPS on her car.
None of this was true but some how her friends and my daughter believed her. I made a big mistake in telling her to go for help I became the villain in her life story. It went on for 2 years she lost job at the bank my fault. PLEASE if any man re this stand by your let someone else tell her or let figure it out on her own never tell her sister or friends!
Eventually she will realize their is a problem then help her make the decision to get help. I have to ask what exactly will be the result of someone else telling her how you feel?
Do you think we like feeling this way because we absolutely hate it! Not having the support of your husband is the worst. I feel alone, I cry a lot and my husband seems to be so wrapped up in his feelings that yea I feel like I hate him.
My husband is emotionally absent. Ill be doting and over eager to please hin again. In the meantime i cry myself to sleep, i have never felt so lonely my whole lufe. Not once a caring word, my wife how are yoy feeling?
Are you coping? To me he has taken on the role of a provider only. He feels like a flat mate. This is a long and extremely lonely road. I could see that these feelings went very deep, beyond just a feeling, right to her core.
I contacted several groups on FB to try and get information on how to support my wife but it was difficult as they all had a women only policy. One medical professor that I found Giving a video lecture online about the menopause did respond to my and has been extremely helpful and sent me a message explaining all the phases, symptoms and how to help. My wife and I sat down and read through it together and there were more tears but we discussed the symptoms she knew she was suffering from and we went online and bought cooling gel pillows, knee pillows and silent fans for the night time as well as herbal teas and additional exercise gear.
We talked all the time about how she was and I made sure to be thoughtful and understanding. I have 5 older sisters so spoke to them about what they had been through so I could support my wife through what I was being told was a scary and confusing time. My wife has been amazing through the 15 years together and we had an amazing bond.
We sat and put together a bucket list of all the things she has ever wanted to do so we were always planning something special, swimming with dolphins, learn to ski, skate on a frozen lake, scuba dive in the Maldives, Id prefer a married woman in need even saved my life when I nearly drowned snorkelling so I owe this woman my life. I took it, and hugged her when the anger turned to tears and she would say sorry, just give me time.
This was all going on during lockdown and we were both working from home, her in the conservatory and me, nights and days in the spare room. Then one morning she woke up and just said she needed space and time on her own. Anyway within an hour she had packed and left. At the start we text every morning and every night and during the day and spoke to each other a bit like you do on holiday, but as time has gone on she has slowly stopped texting or coming round. We have got together a few times and had nice times together, walking, talking, no blame issue or pleading her to come back.
She was so close to her daughter before but now hardly contacts her and has not contacted my son at all. He texts her to just say, I hope you are ok, but gets no response. Most of her belongings are still at home and she now lives with her single friend and her friends 5yo girl. She has now got really bad memory issues and brain fog.
Initially she denied she was menopausal and could not remember the doctors visit or crying or our talks so unfortunately she started to say it was our relationship was what drove her away. All our friends know this is not true as she has always told them what a wonderful life she has. She has also only told 4 or 5 people she has left. The way she is suffering is times worse than my pain. So I guess the point of my reply is that even men who try still get pushed away and only those who truly see the value of their wives and the magnitude of what they are going through and are prepared to take abuse, rejection and put up wit their own turmoil can make it without there being more help and advice more readily available for all parties involved.Id prefer a married woman in need
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